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not to worry

Posted on Sep 3rd, 2009 by mary : untitled mary
not to worry
i am stump and earth and toad 
a morsel of dirt
not fit for mortal man
with his society-ways
and nose for looking down over
at the sick and untouchables beneath
like me
too close for comfort

but not to worry
this is where i belong
down here, beneath the stampede
where i am one with the sweet earth
where none can contain me
and none can deny me
though so far beneath notice am i
that few will try

but not to worry
i will have all of Life
suck the marrow from her bones
and return mine to her
for the same favor, when i have supped my fill
and slipped into the darkness
and the warm fecundity
between her bloody thighs
and the frozen wasteland beyond

so not to worry, my dear friend
it is all fine and wonderful
no matter how long in tooth
or how unpalatable my appearance
or my being, to another living soul
i stand tall enough to nest birds in my hair
i do not drink where there is no water
nor beg for scraps
nor take those offered
not even when my belly gnarls my spine

for as long as Life burns inside me
and warms this dough rising
pumps the bellows, stirs the ashes
and sings through these holy rafters
well then, friend
nothing can be added
nor taken away
and there's nowhere to fall from here
there is only the wind
come chiming off the mountain
to dance me tumbling to the stars
where i am already home
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Tagged with: poetry

no answers here

Posted on Aug 25th, 2009 by mary : untitled mary
energy rises
like heat off a nebraska field
plowed, to bake beneath
a fireball
thermals, lifting the wings of raptors
and their eagle-eyes, far-seeing
like machines, steely-clear
and precise

but nothing here knows those bounds
all seems a waft of color and scent
cross-cut currents and deep-sea chop
here, we can know nothing, but that
there are no answers, here
nothing will yield to our meanings
not even for a heartbeat
not for an instant
not for ever

so i say yes to this boundlessness
yes and i do, forever
i will wed thee, existence
and only thee
for a whole can't be met fully
by parts
and i will be no less than whole for you
wholly you
holy you... ;-)

there is nothing i know more
yet can explain less
as it transcends surrender utterly
and because surrender contains its opposite
mere surrender cannot encompass what i know
surrender exponentiated, perhaps
surrender, and surrender some more
and more... unceasing

energy rises
like smoke from the council fire
yielding to all that is
and no more
the wind rakes the leaves
and there is no argument there
destruction
yields a vast foment of life
which, like bubble-skin expanding
must change each instant
to follow the curves of time

i know not where i go
nor where i have been
i can only weave bits of story-strands
this way and that
in patterns pleasing, some, 
though others less
but all a shimmering web
strung with diamond-dew, 
in this morning of all mornings
this one!
the only one i'll know...

so, this energy rises
it needs no name
it needs no completion
it is content to spindle out
to spend itself completely
abandoned to fate
in the infinite arms of the beloved
to dissolve, disincorporate
and coalesce again
and again
and again
just like god breathing
each inhale a becoming
each expression, an annihilation...

but who is this, breathing?
here with me in the shallows...
whose whorls are these, rising about me?
lifting my spirit beyond the sky
beyond the stars,
beyond all beginnings and endings?

i ask, pouring my heart to the void
but only silence returns
or perhaps, a distant echo of laughter
rolling across the wild prairie sod
'neath that golden hunter's moon
with her hungry eyes
as the clever coyote grins and skips away, away
a delightful tease, he has ever known
what grown men can't fathom
as cities rise and fall
and nations drum  their legacies
unto the very heavens
ever seeking, but never finding
for there are no answers, here...
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Tagged with: poetry

thar she blows and up she rises!

Posted on Aug 23rd, 2009 by mary : untitled mary
 

not a splash of sound
not a glimmer, not a glimpse
no near-to-far, nor far-to-near
and yet
the wind whips the ancient pines
and combs the tall grass, down by the bay
as brash-faced gulls wheel over the dunes
heaped leeward and crowding the shore
where lovers lace hands, walking
bumping hips and laughing
through sun-creased lips, whispering 
forever now, forever now!
as they tumble down the wishing wells
of twin stars, darkly dreaming
and their footprints, commingling 
disappear…

yet nothing is seen
and nothing is heard
beyond the callous Word
that shields Mystery like a rock
like steel footings
like pinball pegs
for centuries standing, upholding
the common law
whopping all transgressors past the flippers
as Mind, a ricochet glancing
off the absolute unknown
a cue-ball, smacked
into deep corner pockets of certified meanings, worn
into deep neural grooves of prediction, worn 
into deep, blood-red felt, torn, 
for hope
and all the ill-fated dreaming
of happiness, here…

and mind, now rescued from
the full-tilt of freedom
is so glad to be home!
so loathe to brave the breakers
and the burly reefs of Life
which are too much! too much!
and too completely gone, beyond
this tense and prickly skin
we are whooshed unruly into creation
as nature breaches the vacuum
like a sperm whale breaches the surface
of all recorded time
riding every nuanced impulse with ease
oil-slicked and mirroring 
all the colors of sun…

thar she blows and up she rises! 
for the glory of breath
and this sweet morning light 
as lovers tangle
in a foment of desire
as the cue-ball cracks
on the shimmering sands of Love
in this great escape
and this eternal marriage 
of beginnings and endings
of dewy dawns to dusks
of hearts born to love
and to break like death, ever sliding
like white-capped waves, to their certain demise
beyond a dancing rim of fire…

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Tagged with: poetry

this far shore

Posted on Aug 6th, 2009 by mary : untitled mary
already, the sand of memory shimmers
like mirage over a dream
of goddesses, fleeing the temple
running naked through the meadows
down to the sea
where they tumble as one
with the wind and the waves and the tide
and granite melts to magma pearls
where graced by dancing steps
and swinging hips
and swept by the silk of lush brown hair
cascading from bosom and belly
to the nether regions curling beyond the breakers
where a yellow surfboard catches the sun...

'tis the apex of love, upon the shoreline
this shoreline!
between exploding infinities
where helical imprints are held in potential
and reactivated by the action 
of nonbelief in a static locale --
a very delicate operation!
as slight deviations become major shifts
splashed into form
and one can slippy-slide down the wormholes 
into that mythic neverland 
from which nothing returns 
but ghostly laughter...

but never fear ;-)
the mother knows her own
and cradles her sons in bottomless splendor
even in their terrified dreaming
they are safe in her heart
ever suckling the milk of her mercy
even while denying the knowing of it
even fearing that deep nature within
and fearing the richness of succor
as they struggle for knightship in distant lands
where possibly somewhere, somewhen they hear 
as if teased into the wind
that should we come to know her
like a baby, first peering
afresh we would fall into love
and never emerge from the scent of it
long after the cord is knotted and cut
and we are cast like seeds upon the water
to wash upon the far shore
upon this far, far shore
beneath a brand new sun...
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Tagged with: poetry

soup of dreams

Posted on Jul 4th, 2009 by mary : untitled mary
i can imagine i am loved
and feel that golden glow
expansive and mercurial
languid upon the waters

and i can imagine that i am unloved
and slip through this life
unseen, unknown
through all the tumult of affairs

and feel that cold contraction
in the belly of darkness
as i am lost, alone, forever
feeling my way through the catacombs

but i notice that neither story
changes at all
that which actually IS
so when i stop imagining
my body has no recipe for feelings
only confusion as fear arises nonetheless
boiling from interminable deeps
and clotting like blood upon the water

but soon, through boredom perhaps
the storm recedes, subsides
into a gentle simmer
an intoxicating brew
gently lapping the shores of eternity

and that is the seduction
the undertow of intoxication
becomes yet another story
another plot-line
to whorl about the maypole of self
ribbons all a-streaming
in celebration
of this hearty
soup of dreams
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some say love

Posted on Apr 14th, 2009 by mary : untitled mary
some say love is mirage
pooled across those lonely white lines
desert dove keening on the singing wires
and the hitchhiker, blowing kisses at passersby
even through scowls

somehow, love knows when to smile ;-)

some say love is commitment
working through fever
drawn down to bone
a mantra
thy will be done
thy will be done
thy will be done

some say love is obsession
a crucible of desire
a reduction to essence
too pure to know
too hot to touch
like the tears of christ
on that lonely hilltop
in the long hours before
a mythic dawn

some see love as currency
illegal tender
stuffed into coffers and slid
between cold sheets
, hoarding
for rainy days that never come
though ever conjured and tucked neatly
into wan promises
and lackluster lies

i don't know love the way i dreamed
falling into the holy fire
as a matched set
but love found its way regardless
through four-chambered granite
grinding boulders to dust
exploding cinders to fiery spirals
pulverizing dreams and desire
pressing forth, hard, unceasing
like sun
and moon
and rain and thunder and quaking earth
love moved the marble capstone
to set itself free
a wild torrent to break and pour
through tent cities and seedy bars
tin cups and empty eyes
cold steel, bruised lips
harsh words and whiskey dreams

and in the sharp light of morning
after a good spanking
love stumbles to the medicine chest
a malodorous alchemist
working through two aspirin
and a slapdash bloody mary
unleashing the wonders of
v8 and beer

yes, some say love is hair of the dog
and some say it's the tail
securely attached and wagging
helplessly and forever

but i say again, i do not know love
not the way love knows me
a swashbuckler, storming
my ships of relation
with merciless ease
no quarter given
    no holds barred
         and taking no prisoners!
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Tagged with: poetry

no time is forever

Posted on Apr 12th, 2009 by mary : untitled mary
Img_0966_2_blackbirds
the door flaps aimlessly in the wind
punctuating silences with hard knocks
where once tinkled chimes
and sheets, billowing

it was only one day
the first in a very long stretch
that no one checked the mail
and soon after, no mail arrived
and soon after that
sparrows nested in the tin hollow
strangled by morning glory
and marbled 'neath that wicked moon
on all-saint's eve

bones in the cellar collect straw and dust
where once memories were held in rows
of pearly auburns and burgundy jars
now uniformly gray and shrouded
as sarcophogi

written in the stars
far above the soughing pines
are constellations of hope and the promise of resurrection
held away away in a distant dawn
as if time could be forever

but no it cannot be
she breathes through all the cracks
sifts bones into powdery piles
scurried by rodents

on a knuckled-down three-legged desk
just inside the door
the phone never rings anymore
messages on brittle film
now cracked and yellowed
and lost to eternity

some things can't be reclaimed
across too wide a silence
we are lost and slip away away
in no time
forever









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this waking dream

Posted on Mar 10th, 2009 by mary : untitled mary
did you leave me a message, calling me sistah,
and letting me hear the ocean?
or was that a dream?
and now, i feel you, receding? falling?
as the tide, or from the cliff,
from where the ocean roared
all the way to here?

i want so much to touch you there, in those tangled middles
i know i can soothe you, ease the snarls
just by thinking them calm, barely a whisper passing between
and given time, could turn your eyes to Love
not love of this form, this wrinkly mess
nor love of any form!
but love of all form - as perfect expression of the divine
who ever pours for you

but to a heart cleaved, these words may ring empty
as the hollow-belly ever grumbles for substance
the warmth and beat beat beat of another breathing soul
cupped in a gentle eternity
filling the deeps and shallows with sweet sweet succor
as the night draws long, and sheets settle, so smooth
upon the hills and valleys of us

you toy with my hair, thinking i sleep
and i try not to smile
i know you are dreaming me
feasting upon the shadows of moonlight
obscuring the crows-feet and worry-lines
gravity has pulled kindly toward the pillow
with its pale satin sheen, and shadow-dance of
sheer curtains, languid on moonbeams
which fortune smiles to frame this midnight moment
in your heart
as it breaks, and pours its lament
silently, so as not to stir
this waking dream….

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Tagged with: poetry

between the lines (when i read the book)

Posted on Mar 1st, 2009 by mary : untitled mary
what is known
is naught but tracer, sparked through ocean
dark and vast primordial
clamping like skin to bone, the unknown
to imagination
which plops meagre stone across inland sea
into a semblance of knowing
barely coalescing before it crumbles behind
as we dreamwalk this plank

to the dancing-tune of Caesar's pirates
who hold truth hostage
and treasure even the innocent lies
for their value in spanning the mighty gulf
between pale descriptors, bound by words
whose virtue is only in forestalling
the endless silence
and just homage to the fullness of things....
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Tagged with: walking with walt

future past (eidelons)

Posted on Feb 28th, 2009 by mary : untitled mary
even now i feel this skin within my skin
this heaving whoosh and flow
restless, and barely contained
in corpuscle of blood and bone

soon enough, cold and putrid
this body will be, and food for hungry ghosts still
elaborating upon, articulating, and embellishing
their own sarcophagi

all pinnacles achieved, not for naught!
but clearly not forever
as we are not a hairsbreadth away
from breathlessness

even the tears will pool, only here
where rivers run, and stars fall
and life presses forth from within and within
a belly full of eidolon

now, trapped in skullbones
and swirled in the dreaming-keeps
my ghost stretches, yawns, nonplussed
pummeling and kicking walls

and wondering what film obscures her eyes
that she can't be free'd, to see this world
with unblemished sight, clear as death
this world emptied of significance

but to know that, is peril for
no man would hold himself so cheap
without a warrior's rise to keep
his accruals, in citadel and crown

all primed and pumped for life's endeavor
to give one's all, this king to conquer
to rise upon this lofty throne
and seat this future eidolon

to eat, consume, digest, excrete
this stuff of life, all mine to matter
battle-finger'd, clutching air
carving a claim on forever

but forever silence peers, unmoving
cold as polar sky, storm crackling
arcing spirit into skin
sweet and wild, from ghosts within

now trapped and tunneling, worm'd through flesh
so full-forgetting, forgetful yet
and truth's shade, she's such a nag!
golden key concealed in rags

muttering down the cellar stairs
spiders crawling in her hair
ghost-drums pound in hollow ear
a warning, crook'd and beck'ning there...
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Tagged with: walking with walt
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