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five things
September 2009 
Five things I bet you don't know about me:
Posted on Jan 7th, 2007
by 
mary
mary
Good for crow, to finally hog-tie me. It was a dirty job but somebody had to do it! The rest of you wussies gave up too easy!
1) I never went to high school. Long story you might want to know, but you've got to say pretty please and chase it with some cuervo! (kidding, just ask...)
2) I haven't flown an airplane for twenty years. When we moved from Nebraska I was pregnant, and once I felt like flying again I couldn't afford it anymore. Nobody would hire me because the local flight school pumps out fledgling pilots, who will do anything for hours.
And, I suspect, maybe they wouldn't hire me because I was a girl. I had that problem in Nebraska. People would book a charter, then threaten to back out if they weren't given a male pilot. My boss was cool, kept telling me I was the best pilot he had. Which I know wasn't true, he had some great pilots. But it was nice.
3) The last thing my grandma said to me was "Don't you know how to tie your shoes?" Poked tears at my grandpa's funeral, shamed me right in front of everybody. Well I got mad and said so, something like "How dare you talk to me like that! Don't you have any feelings?" Right back at her in front of everybody.
She died ten years later.
I know, I should have been more grown-up than to let something so small come between us, but I think the little girl in me always thought she would come back around. I mean, I really did! And after a while, I just got stubborn. I thought, well, she was supposed to be the grown-up in the equation.
Actually, from what I hear from my mother and kin, who were Job's own shepherds through her final decade, I probably saved myself a lot of wear and tear...
4) I almost died of typhoid fever when I was a baby. My sister too. I don't remember that. But it could account for some weirdness.
5) I have only had one motorcycle accident. And that was eons ago in a parking lot. Usually I had near misses, and the universe was kind enough to slow things down just enough to let me maneuver my slippery little behind out of there. Many near-misses!
Threatened once with jail for reckless endangerment in San Diego. Me and my then-husband were jockeying in and out of rush-hour traffic on I-5 in San Diego, he on the 750 that later claimed his life. Not satisfied with just slipping between cars to get by, we were braiding each vehicle and grabbing hands between, flying... Sometimes I wonder if the nice officer had taken us in instead of just warning us, if we might not have slowed down some... Not to blame him, of course. So many twists and turns on that road...
There are so many things you probably really don't need to know about me. But I belong to the Popeye school: I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam. And I have never noticed that people like me any more or less whatever odd shape I contort myself into trying to please them. So. Truth be told, I am tired of trying.
Nice exercise! Thanks for the format. Gives me some ideas of my own for torturing my poor clients... Hmmmm
hehe
So, I am now IT. And I am on the prowl...
Access: PublicTagged with: five things
Love them all. Just want more, more….;-)
believe me, plenty more where those came from!
okay, ONE more because Stacy already knew i didn't go to high school!
5) hmmm. For all my nefarious youth, I have only been to jail two times. Well, three, if you count getting picked up for lewd and lascivious when i was fourteen.
good lord, don't ask.
okay! back then, that is what they called girls hitchiking down the highway when they are supposed to be in school. so sit back! plus, the army coat, green with pockets i could hide in, held in its copious cavities some itsy bitsy marijuana seeds.
second time at 17, working the Del Mar fair, or the San Diego County Fair at the Del Mar State Fairgrounds, or whatnot. Anyway, me and my 22 y/o consort were living in a van for the two weeks, working a taco stand/beer garden for our landlord. Well, somebody got suspicious with this nubile young thing coming out of the van every morning with this obviously 6'6”-ish, long-haired and lanky sort of creature, and well, they just had to stick their noses in!
so i go to juvy, mom picks me up. very embarassing. manly-boy went to grown-up jail on statutory till it all got sorted out.
third time was on a failure to appear with my second husband. we were out on the 750 to get the Sunday paper, anticipating first regular season Chargers game that afternoon: popcorn and beer.
well, in southern california, i didn't wear very much for clothes. I was barefoot, in daisy-mae cutoffs, bikini top and barefoot, no helmet, but they weren't required. pretty conspicuous. so we got the light, pulled over, and they found that i had an outstanding warrant on a ticket i didn't even know i had, because it wasn't me that got it, it was husband in my car, just an equipment violation on that son-of-a-bitch audi i wore like a two-thousand pound yoke around my neck for a good while…
well, i knew about it once, but it was in the middle of a move, and i forgot, completely about it. jet lag.
so that was when i was 25. i didn't like jail. i don't like strip-searches. i don't like being put into a tiny space with a large, surly girl who won't talk to you. in a row of women who talk to each other about how they could get close to you… hootin' and all.
but sweet little me got to watch the game cause the guards took pity on her, and her young man, who cursed and quite entertained the guards got to sit in a tiny cubicle foaming at the mouth for an extra day.
i often consider the many red flags that went up that day! and how i never even noticed that my mother missed the game to deal with the jail thing for me. i mean i thanked her for the obvious, but never thought about that. she was a big football fan, too.
ahhh, impetuous, thankless youth! what an ungrateful wench….
DANG! Your 5 things are MUCH MORE interesting than mine! In my humble opinion, that is. ;)
You CRAZY GIRL!! HA!
I’m glad you added a second #5… And what a second #5 it is!! WOW.
Omigosh what a lady!
I absolutely am compelled to add that Mistress Mary Quite Contrary DID go to high school and I don’t know why she is not admitting it. She went to Continuation High School, at her own request and because she compelled her mother (who is putty in her hands) to get her admitted. Her mother is convinced that Mary wanted to go to Continuation High School because there she would be allowed to smoke tobacco (with mom’s permission). The teachers and administrators at Continuation High School adored Mary because she was the only pupil in living memory who had ASKED to go there rather than be assigned by the courts and because she was a brilliant student who wanted to (and did) perform at her own pace which was basically why she wanted to go there in the first place. As well as to smoke (with permission). As she said at the time “No soshes (sp.) and no jocks.”
p.s. Ask her about the “notes” and the blue tennis shoes ……
what my mother may not mention is that i only completed the first semester of my freshman year in continuation school. GED at 19.
so there!. AND she got the story of the blue tennis shoes ALL WRONG, and i haven't a clue about the “notes…” And, if my mother is listening: “Mother, don't you dare!”
Please! mothers are never to be trusted to be accurate historians.
Period!
Hehe.
The ONE thing I didn't mention in my 5 ( going on 100 ) Things was my police record.
And that's the way it's going to stay!!
Ah, yes, the notes …. in order to be admitted to school – whatever school – back in Mary's day, it was necessary that she bring a note. In order to avoid possible accusations of forgery or any other misadventure, Mary's notes were distinctive, and much enjoyed by the administrators at whichever school. Her notes said, for example, such things as, “Mary says she needs a note. This is a note,” or, “Mary says she was sick yesterday.” Since the actual piece of paper, signed by a parent, was what was necessary for the school's records keepers, it was always possible to write a message that was almost truthful and could be signed by her parent in all honesty. And parents are truthful historians – we just never got the whole story which is probably just as well.