no shortage of dad ;-)

though a bastard, twice-orphaned child
knocked through the halls of men like a gauntlet, coming up
i have come to understand
(though this has not come cheap!)
that all men are my father
when i need him
that i really have no shortage of dad

i found yet another yesterday ;-)
an elderly with lots of spry
and we flirted just fine
so fine!

(he showed me how to take a pulse
with a "secret" handshake ;-)

so, now
i don't know where to go
to lose my father ;-)

and my brother is there, too
everywhere i look
my buddy
my pal
and my scrapper!

and when i need that deep pool
i can find that too
it arises everywhere i turn

i have no shortage
and never have ;-)
this is what i have learned!
i see that the torment of this orphaned child
was only in the denying of that

funny
how the mind is a reflecting pool
a mini-holograph
only existing in the criss-crossing of itself
twin beams of no-thing
creating all of us by its descriptions
and certainties thereof...

~

and so now this non-orphan child
learns herself anew
in that toddler way
that clumsy puppy way

would that i could only heal,
and never harm in the healing!
but i find that to be impossible
evidently
as i can only witness my arising
as i arise
and by that time it's too late

and i grieve that beyond all that is known

yes, i do.

bless us all!
because i know
that if i can't do this
there is no hope for the world!
for if i can't learn to bind the wounds
with my nearest neighbors
how could i imagine it so between nations?

and who has that kind of time to waste, in turmoil?
life is so precious!
and i swear, sometimes
i simply can't find the problem anymore
i forget what was so important
those lifetimes ago
and kind of just sit
agog
at the wonder of it
as it emerges ever fresh, ever wild
and seeing that all else is in the mind
and all the rifts simply constrictions around
a painfully embedded lie

how i wish i had known this all along!
and wonder, if i would, or wouldn't
if i had been the actual daughter of
my kind donor ;-)
(whose gifts i gladly receive!
even this awkward gift
of learning who i am
without him...)